Lessons I learned from Irene

Lesson I learned from Irene,

Lesson number one: “it could always be worse” is not something that 4 & 2 year olds can understand. We are the sum of our experiences. The experiences of two young boys who have been raised in a loving and protecting home, with many books, toys, healthy food, appropriate clothes and all of that good stuff don’t include hardship. So when we explain to them that while we are going on day 3 without power, in the heat without air-conditioning, without their beloved TV shows, without fresh milk and fresh food, that some people actually had trees fall on their homes and cars and have lost a lot, that some people have lost their lives, they still don’t get it, because we are all a sum of our experiences. And to be honest, while we adults know that it could be worse, it still doesn’t fully sink in and the inconvenience of it all makes one feel a bit sorry for themselves and a bit on the cranky side.

Of course I appreciate that no trees fell on our house or cars. And I appreciate that all we lost was all the food that was in our refrigerator and our two freezers, but boy, it was a pain in the rear end. So I’m glad it’s over and I hope it never happens again.

The last few weeks with the earthquake we have had and dear Irene, have definitely made me reflect on all that we have. We are so lucky to not have lost all of our belongings and to have stayed safe throughout it all. It breaks my heart that it got so bad in some areas that people lost their lives. It breaks my heart that people have to rebuild their homes. I want to help my children learn to appreciate. I know my boys are not nearly as spoiled as some other children I know. We definitely don’t indulge them in material things. In fact, we instituted a ticket-reward system a few weeks ago where they earn tickets for good behavior and doing chores and cleaning up after themselves, and once a week, on Shabbat, they get to go into a treasure box (where we have put stickers with “prices” on items I get on sale) and exchange their tickets for a treasure. Last week, we even made them see the benefit in picking out a “cheaper” treasure and saving some tickets for the following week in order to be able to “buy” a bigger treasure. So I hope that slowly and gradually, the boys will learn to delay gratification and to appreciate all that they have.

Another lesson I learned from Irene is that help comes from the most unexpected sources. People that weren’t even close friends and we haven’t known for that long, have offered and given so much help. It warmed our hearts and made us realize that there’s hope for this country and world after all. Recently, the state of our country has gotten me a bit depressed. It seems that people only care about themselves and no one is really willing to help others. We tend to blame the politicians for our troubles, but really, it’s the lack of basic courtesy and values that I see all the time that has been degrading our country. Our credit rating got downgraded, but really, it’s our values that need work. But, those helpful friends have given me hope again and I’m going to cling to that hope and try to see the good in people and in situations more often than not.

I also learned that I need to be specific about what kind of help I need. That people don’t all think and operate the same way. I realized that while my offer of help would be very specific and include offering a place to stay, a place to bathe, a place to store food, a place to just be, others might just say it in a much simpler and indirect way. So if I want something, I should specify what it is. The worst a person can say is “no”.

I learned that I hate hurricanes and earthquakes and that they scare the crap out of me. I don’t like them and I don’t like tornadoes either. Really, I would much prefer to live in Spring/Fall kind of weather, with occasional light rains, some sun, some clouds, and temperatures between 65F-78F. But I guess that might be too much to ask and I should just be grateful for being healthy, having an awesome husband and kids, family, friends, and all that we have. And I am grateful, for all of those things.

Oh, and the last lesson I learned from Irene is that we must purchase a generator!!!

OMG!!! Has It Been This Long???

So just a quick update because that's all I have time for. Happy pills stopped working after a while. Not sure why, but things have gotten worse. I started therapy which has made some things better (I clean less!!!). But it has opened up some old wounds so some things have gotten worse. So doctor upped my happy pills dose and now things are happier again. I am calmer, enjoying my children more and such. Maybe it was all because of summer, having both boys home. It's been fun, but also quite challenging. Some days they are perfect little angels. Some days it's hard to keep them from killing each other.

This is typical one would say of all homes with kids so close in age. But what a "normal" mother can handle without losing her sanity, I cannot. So the higher dose of the happy pills has come to my rescue and things are better again. Not perfect, but much better.

Some people think it's all about the attitude. Some people think if one has a positive attitude, everything falls into place. I wish it were that easy. I really wish. I have a very positive attitude. I wake up every morning and write down all the things I am thankful for, and I have plenty to be thankful for. And then life happens. And whereas a "normal" mom can handle life, I need a little extra help. I used to feel very guilty about that, but now I'm perfectly ok with it. I'm ok with not being perfect. There, I said it!!! It's ok.

Summer has been insanely busy with the boys. Liam loves the pool. Aiden not so much yet but we'll get him there. It's been extremely hot, so much so that on some days it's even too hot to go to the pool. Aiden just pretty much got potty trained (minus nap and night time). I am oh so proud of my little man. They are both such amazing boys. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. And well, sometimes I wonder if they are possessed by the devil...

I'm looking forward to both of them being in the same preschool in the fall. I am hoping to get some consulting work in the fall and get some of me back.

And I have started looking into graduate school again. My dream. I am hoping I will find a way to make my dream happen.

That's all for now. Hopefully less time will go by before I get a chance to post another update.

Yael