Faith and Religion and Finding My Place In Between

Ever since I can remember myself, I have always felt G-d with me. I have never doubted. I loved going to temple as a little girl. I loved lighting the candles with my mother. I loved Kiddush. I loved having lots of guests for holiday dinners. We never had much money but our home was always open to people for holiday dinners. I loved dressing up for Shabbat and for holidays. Every holiday is my favorite holiday. Every holiday is so special and so beautiful.

The high holidays are during autumn; my favorite season (was born in October). Sukkot was the most fun because I loved decorating the Sukkah and loved the smell of the Etrog. Hanukkah, well, what’s not to love about latkes, doughnuts, and lighting the Hanukkiyah. Tu B’Shvat was always so much fun and we actually got to plant trees. Purim, well, I loved being queen Ester and having my sister make me very special costumes every year. Passover, all the cleaning and preparation and looking for chametz. And then there was taking out all the Passover dishes and washing them and putting away the regular dishes. And of course, there was the magic of Elijah’s cup. Then came Lag B’Omer with the bon-fires which were always so much fun! Shavuot was a heaven filled with all of my favorite dairy dishes. And then it started all over again. What fun! I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be Christian with only two religious holidays.

Now that I have children, the holidays take on an even a greater meaning. I love sharing the traditions with them and I love telling them what makes each holiday special to me. And I like finding out what is special to them about each holiday.

I have been going through a transformation in the past few months. It certainly has something to do with living in the U.S. Being a Jew in Israel is easy. Most other people are Jewish, most certainly everyone who lives around you. There’s kosher food everywhere. There are kosher restaurants everywhere. There are temples everywhere. And Shabbat, oh, the feeling of Shabbat in Israel is like nowhere else in the world. Friday morning and early afternoon people are rushing and going like crazy, trying to finish all their shopping and chores before Shabbat beings. Then comes the quiet and peace. Everything is so peaceful on Shabbat in Israel. A feeling I cannot describe. And then there’s Jerusalem. The minute you step foot in Jerusalem you feel like you’re in a different world. Whether you’re religious or secular, you can feel G-d there with every step you take. And the Kotel (the western wall), wow! I LOVE Jerusalem. It is the perfect mixture of modern and holy.

But, for better or for worse, my life is here right now. I chose to marry someone who isn’t Jewish. It came with a unique set of challenges in addition to the normal challenges of marriage. And with it came raising Jewish children in this country and in the South to top it off. I am learning that many people have never met a Jew. I am learning that many people don’t get why we can’t believe in Jesus. I am learning that most people mean well, and then there are those who don’t. And sometimes, those who don’t make it very difficult to live a Jewish life here and raise Jewish children here. And those who don’t, make me want to become even “more Jewish.” I am trying to cover my hair more often than not. I take the boys to shul (temple) every Shabbat now. I do this because I love going and it inspires me to become a better person and a stronger Jew. I do this because the boys love going and I want them to continue to love going. I want them to grow up being proud of being Jewish and wanting to always keep their Jewish identity strong. I don’t do laundry on Shabbat anymore. I don’t cook on Shabbat anymore. I try to keep it a calm, family day. We have Sunday to go places and do things. Shabbat really is for taking a break from the chaos of our daily lives. I am trying to remember to say the blessings before I eat. I do that because I want to remember to thank G-d for the food that’s on our table. I am trying to remember to have my own little conversation with G-d every day, especially when things get insane, and they often do. I’m trying to become more conscious of every action I do so that I can remember to thank G-d for all that I have.

And mostly, I am trying to raise children who will always be proud of being Jewish and will want to keep our beautiful traditions no matter where they end up living. I pray my boys will not only be men with good manners, kindness and compassion, but also men who appreciate everything G-d has put in this world for us. And I pray they will keep feeling G-d with them in spite of the challenges they will face in their lives.